– Why am I unable to write now? I’m so excited that you are coming? After stating this love story deserves a happy ending I have trouble figuring out what to write next? – I complain to Vladimir on the phone while he is driving towards me through Croatia in a car with Serbian license plates. It’s time someone showed already that it’s a myth that Serbian plates are not welcome in this part of the world (because of the war in the Balkans that ended over 20 years ago).
Enough already with the life lived in past and fear. According to some theories, the world as we know it is about to end, and we are still living in the past. The only thing we truly have is the present. I don’t want to scare you, but there are various theories about the acceleration of time, about crossing over to the next level of consciousness, about the man of light who has developed integrity, ethics and intuition as core values, but also of numerous cataclysms, tectonic disturbances as Earth is fighting back. There is so much pressure in the air created by people, that everyone is asking for the end. So that we could begin again. Clear start. Restart.
– What’s this now? I’ve immersed myself so much in the role of an exploring romantic, that I am unable to be productive without some drama and tragedy?
– I’ll give you drama when I get there. I smoke, drink and I’m hairy. In short, I’m just the kind of man you need.
Indeed, I’ve met a comedian to match me. But unlike me, he doesn’t switch off, not even when he’s sleeping or driving. His brain works at warp speed. I’ve never met a person who thinks so fast. He says what he thinks, without buffering. And on top of it all, he is painfully handsome. And tall. And beautiful. With pronounced eyebrows. High forehead. And that special, almost endemic sort of men that you thought was extinct – strong and gentle at the same time. We are fragmenting each other’s time.
Oh my God, he hasn’t even arrived yet, and I’m already completely, head over heels in love. Not with the man, but with my own idea of him. And I know everything, every relationship begins as an illusion… and here is my internal dialogue: You will ascribe to him traits which he doesn’t have, as you do with all your characters. You will make him a superhero. He too will start believing he is “the one” since you know just how to lift people up by bringing light into their lives. Then an observation from Veda astrologist upon taking a look at my stars: You have a clear picture of what you want, and who can be next to you. He must be a genius with high goals. A lion’s strength, with a certain dose of creativity and spirituality, otherwise there will not be an understanding between the two of you. You know that Indians are traditionalists who believe that marriage is a holy union. Well, I was freed from this: “free spirit, free ruler, you don’t have a house of marriage because you don’t need one. You are love and a creature of joy. This whole time has been given to you to get to know and understand yourself, and then others will understand you as well.”
We always wonder what causes glow and euphoria surrounding love to end, why it all suddenly turns to conflict? Celestine prophecy has an answer. This is the result of the way energy flows between certain people. When love shows up, two people give each other energy unconsciously, and they both feel encouraged and elevated. This thrill is what we call being in love.
– Why are you freaking out, all this is very funny. Between reality and fiction, something in between. And I am voluntarily entering this story, as if stepping into a bizarre reality show where there is no “Big Brother”, or any rules. There is no control, everything is “free fall”, and you probably have a theory regarding what kind of a person I would be (read: artist) if I wasn’t facing my fears on daily basis.
What man is a man who does not make the world better?
We have to face our own ways in which we control others. Our way of controlling others is something we learned as children as a way to attract attention and energy, and we got stick there. That’s our unconscious controlling drama. First, we need to become aware of our personal drama because there is no progress until we see inside ourselves, and find out what it is that we’ve been doing to manipulate the energy that we acquired by habit in childhood.
Based on strategies for drawing attention and energy formed in childhood, we can classify people into four types. Examiner, intimidator, recluse, and woe is me.
Recluses create examiners – intimidators are creators of “woe is me” role, or of new intimidators. To discover your true face, you must admit that your “real I” has become between the truths of both parents. Your life path leads to discovering the Truth which is a higher synthesis made up of your parents’ beliefs. Your whole life will be made of attempts to find a way to enrich yourself. When you see your life as one story, from birth to present, you will see how you came to be where you are. Your friends, partners, and congruence that have occurred have all lead you to a specific place. To make emotional progress, we need to connect with enough energy so that we could see through our own forced controlling drama, and start our way towards something which will be a spiritual process, the one we’ve been trying to grasp this entire time. This is how Celestine prophecy explains our controlling drama. We can explain all our relationships this way, why we meet, why we part. And why we make a drama out of things?
– Hang up the phone, walk on the beach, read something, watch all those movies I sent you, meditate, I’ll be there in a few hours… I love you and you know it.
On the other side, my side – silence, it’s as if my heart has stopped for a moment, and then a thousand darts pierces me from all directions. My whole body begins to ache, I open my mouth to say something… but, it’s as if I am fighting for air. The words just won’t come out.
– I’ve surprised you, haven’t I? An unexpected thing at an unexpected time is the way to a woman’s heart, says Sean Connery in one of his movies, I read that somewhere…
– I wrote about that – I hear myself saying, feeling like I’ve fallen into some kind of a time pocket of my self-fulfilling prophecies. All of my past lives appear in front of my eyes, as if I am saying goodbye to my spiritual research and love stories, because I now have the one and only story to live, and I would now start dealing with sociopolitical themes, like every other honest intellectual, and I would become bitter and start criticizing the government on radio political shows… oh dear, what a horror! What will I write about in the future? No, that cannot possibly be my life!
– Vladimir, turn that car around, and go home now! I don’t want to end up as a guest host on Sand glass ( political radio show)!
– Are you crazy? – he bursts into laughter, and then quickly corrects himself. – Okay, stupid question, I know that you are. Erase that. I don’t know what you’re talking about, but for your information, there is no Sand glass anymore. It ended with words If everything is alright in your world, then nothing. Clearly, everything is alright for everyone. Don’t worry, everything had been alright in your own world before as well. And even if Sandglass was resurrected – you will never find yourself there. You don’t have that all-knowing hatred, otherwise, you would be writing diaries of a hater, and not those “you never know what good comes from something bad”… – He doesn’t have an OFF button. I got what I asked for. Now, I will have to go through my own personal drama, if it’s the last thing I do. I take some flowery Bach remedies and drift to sleep momentarily. I dream of an old television programme, from the time when color was just starting to appear on TV, spilling all over the screen. My brother liked to burn things around the house, for some reason, and one evening he set the couch on fire.
Fire, walk with me!
I wake up feeling feverish, with sunlight and Vladimir in technicolor in front of me. I shake, colors spilling everywhere around me, and I see energy around people and things. Either I’ve gone crazy, or everything is magically beautiful around me.
– I think I have a fever…
– Of course, you do, when you’re in love but keep running away… Agony and ecstasy at the same time.
– This must my own private version of hell – I think out loud. Delirious.
– How can you be in hell, when you are in my heart. And I know what you’re doing those arms and those bracelets. I know who you are. I’m not afraid of you. I am honored to be with you, my lady – he gets down on his knees like some kind of a modern knight who, upon returning to the kingdom, greets his queen, after having discovered Kingdom of Heaven. – You can make all the drama I want, but I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I’m not a pussy like all of my predecessors.
How on Earth did I end up mixing Celestine Prophecy and Kingdom Of Heaven I have no idea, but neither one of us can grow on their own. Evolution can’t be done alone, so practice uplifting those who cross your path. We are here to support and teach each other. When we let go of our controlling drama, all dependent relationships disappear, everything integrates, we accept all parts of ourselves, whatever they may be, that is the only way to be your own, whole, authentic, unique but connected person. You are not what you were born, but what you have it in yourself to be.
– I’ve had many counselors, but not one protector, so I’ve learned to protect myself. I will lose myself in those eyes of yours…
– It’s the risk we take. We have 21 days to exchange our dramas and to write a new one. We still haven’t developed my character enough, that thing with appearing on screen is good, but the truth is so much better than fiction. We don’t know where I came from… All those strange coincidences, synchronized run-ins, and events that have occurred around us. That story is romantic and inspirational, like some fairy-tale for adults. We need them, just as much as we need some new tales for children. These that we grew up listening to are not for the brave new world. A new world. A better world. A kingdom of conscience… a kingdom of heaven.
Indeed, I hear, I see, I feel, I’m awake, everything is alright in my world. When two people share one world – that’s an empire. What kind of a man is that who doesn’t make the world a better place, and turn into your own empire? And the writing… never stops, only pauses in interesting places.
Or at least until the end of the world as I knew it.