I like people I can be weird with
– Honey, come to New York, let someone take care of you for a little while – Vikram tells me over Skype when I told him what happened.
I guess we all have key words or buttons that make us react when they’re pushed. My button is “someone caring for me”, which makes me think of Mr. Poetic and tears start to flow. And I don’t know how to be weak. Besides, I’m already over a year late with my new book, I keep postponing everything, either I’m busy with construction, or decorating, or holding sessions, or starting a new business, or going to funerals, or moving again, then fixing up the place, changing the upholstery on the furniture, oh it’s spring, I should plant flowers and plants, too. Maybe I could make a winter garden, too. Everything else keeps entertaining me, but I know I’m delaying. Then I surrendered, as my friend Milena would say, your books are based on your life, that’s why it’s important that you live. And I’m crying again, because she has gone as well, why does everyone I love leave me… And then I get a ticket to New York.
– Pack anything, and leave tomorrow at 10:40 A.M. Your time. You already have a visa, you don’t need anything else, you’ll be staying at my place. The return date is not set, so you can stay as long as you like…
– Boy, you really have a good timing – I stop sobbing and turn the Skype camera on. – I’m ugly when I cry.
– Just you pack and come, there is no sorrow, disappointment or despair that New York hasn’t felt, we know how to deal with it. And play with it – when he’s right, he’s right.
After every funeral I see Vikram, I don’t know what’s the deal, but he has a powerful presence, and in a matter of moments, he roots me in present. Living in the moment is very easy with him. I’ve learned that, when things get hard for me, I should go where it feels easy. Indeed, the part of less resistance. I used to think this was a terrible expression, but not anymore. Now I pack, by the time a few “Big Bang Theory” episodes are over, I’ve landed on JFK airport. Then, of course, a driver waits for me to take me to Vikram’s home. I never asked him where he lives, just assuming he was in Brooklyn or some hipster neighbourhood, like Williamsburg – that’s where I thought he was. However, the driver takes me to Soho. I go into the building, interior is spacious, put together, he’s on the third floor where a Korean man wearing a huge smile opens the door for me.
Hello Elizabeth, welcome, I’m gone, I’m going to the studio. I’m editing a video. Vikram is in the kitchen. Welcome!
White, humongous kitchen, with an island in the middle. He is preparing food. Surreal image, because all this time I kept thinking he was a struggling artist who barely makes ends meet, living a bohemian lifestyle in one the most expensive spots in world. Truth be told, I spent the time in between episodes of Big Bang Theory fearing the fact that I was about to spend some time in his space (whenever I’m sad, my nerd friends help me out). I am terrified of male apartments. Last time I was in New York, I was visiting a friend in his small, studio apartment, which only had basic furniture, and there was no way I was going to spend three weeks living there. That’s why I hoarded stuff from around town, dragging either things others have thrown out or from a flea market, and I even went to Ikea for which I needed to get on a boat – superfun experience. After me, he finally had an apartment. Now when I think about it, I have no idea how I found the time to have a book promotion, to bring another to a finish, design it and send it to print, with both my editor and designer online in another time zone, decorate his apartment and walk up and down New York. Back then I was suffering because of Mr. Poetic, comforting myself by going out a few times, and being massively creative. Wow, indeed, when I’m having fun, I can do anything.
Back to the kitchen of my Hindu god who lives in Soho in a vast apartment with those big windows, high ceilings, living room, kitchen, entrance all connected into one space, looking like a loft, but this is not an abandoned building who know where. Here, even those miniature apartments with mice cost $2,000 a month, which is why I will never understand why people live in New York. I can’t imagine myself anymore struggling somewhere in a shoe box.
– How do you have this millionaire’s apartment?
– Funny story, my family is actually very wealthy now. It wasn’t like that in the beginning, I am a New Jersey boy, but this is America, land of the possibilities. While I was still in school, I started making commercials. I don’t do that anymore, but I did just as the business was blooming, earning a hundred times more than I could spend. I mean, you’ve met me, I don’t spend money to fascinated someone with my wardrobe, my car or bling bling. I have everything I need to be able to create and have fun at the same time.
– Deepak Chopra once said that a crisis ensued because we were spending the money we didn’t have to buy things we don’t need to impress the people we don’t like or care about.
– Exactly. I’m not interested in business all that much, but some friends recommended my parents to buy Apple stocks many years ago. Since they couldn’t decide on whether they should buy Apple or Microsoft stocks, they bought both. Now, whenever I need something, I just sell some stocks, and I don’t need that much. I make documentaries and I am happy while I’m researching, shooting and editing. People usually let the game suck them in, so one apartment isn’t enough for them anymore, they start wanting a house and a boat and cottage and whatnot, wife, kids, mistress, unnecessarily expensive education, insurance and vacationing in 5 star hotels. Those are the saddest places on the planet, btw. All that is OK, I get the expansion, we all like to develop, but I’m interested in creative evolution. Spiritual, as you would say. Btw, do you want me to introduce you to Julia Cameron? I’ve told her all about you. She is such a wonderful lady. Everything I learned about creativity, that is spirituality, I learned from her.
– Really? – I started with her, and I keep going back to her, that is, her books. – How do you know her? Are you serious? – I’ve started to stutter.
– For once I made you speechless, too – he is laughing at me.
– You know very well how the two of get speechless – I come dangerously close to him and the stove on which he is cooking something that contains tumeric in large amounts. Oh dear God, when he kisses me, it’s as if I enter a movie. Something I thought was a one night stand, okay there were a few nights, but let’s not be petty, I was a grieving widow, big blue ocean in between us, Sanj died, me in love with Vladimir. Suffering because we are not together, wait a minute, I am with Vladimir now, what am I doing in New York?
This is, by far, the most expensive sex ever, I fly to New York to see this divine man who is so exciting that he makes me forget about everything else. I know, I’m sapiosexual, I can’t resist a genius.
– But wait a minute – he interrupts this unnecessary vortex. As I said once, mind is a terrible neighbourhood, it can’t stay in the present, it needs to constantly judge and re-evaluate. What has happened and what will happen. Steady, my thoughts, we are kissing now in this wonderful space, on another continent, and if just make turn, this kitchen island will be come a space for intercourse. You eat a little, you… a little, and so on. There is nothing else. – How do you have that apartment in London? In which, btw, you don’t even live?
– Actually, it’s a little less funny story. Remember how we agreed that we wouldn’t talk about our past, that we will get to know each other as we are now, and enjoy the moments we have? Maybe I should tell you now, and then we can forget about it.
– Well, that’s not how it works. Once you tell it, it’s out there. Energy flows where focus is. And my focus doesn’t want to be in the past, but it wants to feed you, take your clothes off and take you to bed… if we make it to the bed – he winks at me. – I also have a bathtub. Large.
– Did I tell you that I experimented by taking everyday baths for an hour as Leonard Orr recommends?
– Oh my, I adore you. I like people I can be weird with.
– Don’t steal my status updates.
No man is an island. But the kitchen island was set nicely. First foreplay, then appetizer, then the main course, and desert was served in the bedroom.
Before I fell asleep, tired from the flight and all that excitement that I’m with Vikram in this spectacular surrounding, and that he is making love to me as if he was doing partner yoga, nice and slow, passionate and focused, with special attention to details, transcendental experience, as he was directing an event, but still allows for improvisation, and he likes to make it last and last… until we are one breath, one body, one soul.
I thought I saw a picture of me on the bedside table. What is Vladimir doing now? Did I call to say I’ve arrived… ah, yes, I did. I’ve let everyone know. Sonya worries the most. It would be nice if I slept a little, it’s so nice here.
And I tuck myself in next to Vikram who’s already fast asleep, but who hugs me even tighter, and who mumbles Welcome home, honey. It would be great if tomorrow I could send my column for the magazine.
No work, all play.