If you intend to get somewhere in the world, you will soon realize that you can’t follow the crowd. You can’t be afraid of what you are, regardless of what it is. You especially can’t depend on other people’s opinions. What other people think it just that – what other people think. It has nothing to do with you.
If someone had said this to my late mother, my life would have been a lot different, but since no one had brought this to my mother’s attention, I had to learn it on my own, and pass it on. I’ve noticed that there is a certain pattern to my relationships. In the beginning, they are always fascinated, they’ve never met a person like me before, they’re excited, enthusiastic, their eyes are suddenly open, they are able to see the light clearly. Joyful, interested… and then as time passes, societal conditioning begins. I am difficult to classify, which group do I belong to, how do they explain me to their parents, friends, relatives… in which cluster should they place me when I don’t resemble a familiar scheme, and then they get a wonderful, and above all brilliant idea to change me. Cue drama.
You should do this, you should do that. How come you always have some special attitude or you are special yourself, why does it have to be that way? When in fact, I am very simple. It’s called controlling drama, we each have our own. In other words, it’s a conflict. I notice but I don’t judge.
I follow what’s happening, entertained only while I’m in that first phase, because I prefer that they are amazed and joyful, rather than wanting to change me while speaking nonsense they’ve acquired from parents or collective consciousness. Then I stop the romance, just in time – the way fairy-tales end. No one knows what happens next, and what everyday life looks like when the sleeping princess comes to live with her prince in the same castle as his parents and friends. That everyday life.
When making love becomes making Time for love.
– I am at Men’s Health Fitness Challenge, as a judge, and my assignment is to ask each of the contestants to take his shirt off. Please call me, I may have died and gone to heave. – I wrote to a beloved friend.
Each day can be a holiday, so why I shouldn’t I have fun while he is at a congress somewhere. Apparently, he deals with energy. We are each dealing with energy in our own way.
But alas, a very handsome guy appeared among the contestants. I wouldn’t have even noticed if he wasn’t looking directly in my eyes, while giving me a once over. This is something I haven’t seen in years, although, frankly, I don’t notice anyone around me when I fall down the rabbit’s hole. I wear those pink glasses, and men can do headstands – I’m completely blind. But when someone pierces that pink energy shield – there must be a reason for it. In the so-called normal world, I lack a monogamous gene, so when I feel something, I act on it. And I don’t feel guilty about it. Truth be told, that even used to excite my ex-husband, until he became all Mr. Proper, that is.
So, although this happens rarely, when it does, I don’t fight it. I am curious to know why.
When I asked him to take his shirt off, we became breathless. All of us in the jury. It’s not crucial that a man should be sculpted, we are more interested in the energetic field, but this young man had it all. And a six-pack. A live spatial installation. More than anything, I love taking risks. While other jurors are not looking, I copy his phone number. And I call him the very same day, while this other one is dealing with questions of energy, I’m dealing with my own burning issues.
He is young, he doesn’t need to check his agenda to find time for adventures, but instead shows up – immediately. Carpe diem, my kind of guy. We are people with animal instincts that we’ve agreed to negate. We suppress everything so much that we get all sorts of diseases, the so-called auto-immune, which means that we make ourselves sick. But we are also able to cure ourselves. He is telling me something, but I can’t even hear him, realizing that he is living in negations, that he doesn’t know what to do with himself, he is still in the matrix, but when he shows me his paintings, it all becomes clear. Of course, I can’t go against myself, now that such people find me on their own. I work all the time, too. It’s a tough job but someone has to do it. The hardest part was taking his shirt off, the rest just followed naturally.
But if you think it’s possible, you are also right.
– What do you mean? – this is not something his parents taught him, claiming that you can’t live from art, and that he needs to something concrete. It’s difficult to kill the artist within, but that’s why we are so easily discouraged. Some people spend an entire life doing what other people want of them, instead of letting themselves dance, sing, write, paint, create all that which makes them happy, what they do when no one pays them, and where they lose track of time. They possess creative energy, but they have no idea what to do with it.
There is a good trick when old and young are brought together. When she is younger and he is older, that’s a good match because She doesn’t know, and He can’t. When she is older and he is younger, that’s an interesting combination – He can and She knows. The age difference was the same between me and him, as was between me and Mr. Who Is Dealing With Energy. Around 15 years. And me – somewhere in between, connecting the two time zones.
Ever since we as a civilization have started telling time on a massive scale, people have less and less of it. And this thing with age. Someone lives seventy years and someone lives one year doing the same thing over again for seventy years. Of course, we’ve always been obsessed with beauty and youth, but today we have the ability and knowledge to truly stop the Time. We still don’t have a sense for Time, so we can’t see it, even though we feel it. And how we feel it. So this story of younger and older will eventually disappear completely as we are Souls who travel through Time. Time travelers who occasionally meet in specific Time. Often this is initially difficult to comprehend, but it is eventually revealed. Namely, I wasn’t just vegged between younger and older in Time rip, but between a Democrat and a Radical. This is something I won’t find out until later, but for now, this is cute since obviously, each coming generation likes to rebel against the previous one, even when they don’t know why. New souls always feel that something is not right. Teenagers don’t rebel because of hormones, they rebel against entering the world of adults, where everything is limited and conditioned by Time. Punk, street art, Zeitgeist, the anarchists – all of them are standing up to the social conventions and the collective consciousness. This society keeps talking about change, but essentially doesn’t believe in it. It doesn’t believe that it’s possible that someone can really change or repent after having committed a crime, so criminals always remain criminals and go back to prison. We don’t believe in the truce, we ask forgiveness but don’t know how to forgive. We don’t believe that it’s possible to have and keep ideals and values. Others are not the problems. We are.
However, people are incredible when shaken to the core. A powerful effect, sometimes, can be achieved by even the smallest encouragement. Artists, in fact, need very little to fly… and there he is, flying out of his cocoon, painting, drawing, combining. Learning. He has opened himself up towards new possibilities. I run into him a year later, and he tells me of energy, how you get what you give. I see a transformed man. No longer in the matrix.
He is free and responsible for his freedom.
– Can I come by Your place, I have a gift for You – he asks me. Just for 5 minutes.
Where do I find these people who keep using the Royal You when talking to me, I don’t know, and then an astrologist from India explains to me that I come from a royal line, blue blood and born leader altogether, that’s what I’m emitting. People spontaneously start addressing me with respect. Bizarre, isn’t it? I keep thinking I’m some kind of a rebel with a cause, when in fact it turns out that Karma’s a beach.
He shows up at my doorstep with a painting. Combined technique, photograph and oil. He painted it, using darker colors, but it shows a woman with an open chest, looking up. Open heart and gazing toward the sky. The purple color is dripping down her legs.
– This is a present for you. I give gifts to dear people.
– Really? – It’s rare that people surprise me like this. – This is amazing!
– Now I like giving. You were right. Love needs to be given. He kisses my cheek and leaves feeling satisfied. I am satisfied as well. One heart at a time, a friend from New York tells me, it’s like you were god-sent to get out the best from us. I don’t know, but I know that one evening a messenger came to me uttering two sentences that gave me wings and made me fly. Now it’s my turn to support others. Another artist who discovered that power lies within him.
And a man at that.